


Five times when nothing was said and one when no words were needed

by hugemind



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s01e01 Pilot, Episode: s02e04 Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, Episode: s02e11 Playthings, Episode: s02e13 Houses of the Holy, Episode: s02e17 Heart, Gen, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-25
Updated: 2007-04-25
Packaged: 2017-10-31 18:31:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/347137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hugemind/pseuds/hugemind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times when the boys keep quiet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five times when nothing was said and one when no words were needed

**Author's Note:**

> Unbetaed. Contains wincest-y undertones. Originally posted to LJ on April 25, 2007.

+

If there had been any way possible to _not_ do this, Dean would have jumped at the chance, hunting down the demons responsible. He just isn't sure if the culprits are actual demons or demons of the mind. Dad is missing. The heated discussion--their last words--strains his shoulders, but Dean has no choice but to go seek out Sammy. Of course, he knows exactly where to find him, all his favorite places in case he's not home, but he fears what he might find more than otherwordly beasts.

Sam finds him first. The strength in his muscles, the stealth in his steps; despite being the target of this silent, reluctant predator, Dean feels relieved. He still has his brother who knows what they are, what is out there. He can find dad with Sammy's help. He can amend things, be nice, maybe apologize for his words--dad's words. Doesn't matter now, he has hope to hold on to. He has a family again.

++

Sam looks down at his feet, then past them at the shoes that would never fit his feet anymore. Dean's boots lie discarded at the floor while the shower streams steadily. At six years old, Sam had been ridiculously proud of his new shoes, simply because they were Dean's old ones. His big brother's sneakers had been a wee bit too big--not for long, though--and Sammy had felt like he had been a big boy like Dean. He still remembers Dean's look when he had smiled at his sparkling pride, maybe stifling an urge to laugh at his little brother. But Sam knows that at that one moment Dean had been genuinely happy--he just knows it now.

They don't share shoes anymore--haven't for a long time--nor memories from their childhood. The only thing they share is the life in motel rooms, the Impala and their trunkful of weapons, always ready for use. He swears seeing a trace of pride on Dean's face as he walks in on Sammy cleaning and sharpening the knife he used tonight. The things they share are all they have.

+++

Dean washes his hands under the flickering fluorescent light in the bathroom. A brief glance at the mirror reveals the extent of his tiredness. He needs something relaxing, just a little something to make him fall asleep faster. He unzips his jeans, hand stroking flesh, and curses the rapid blinking in the little space. It's like the thing is fighting against death. Dean snorts quietly, smirks and thinks how that would be one of Sam's girly lines.

He hardens his grip of the sink, hardens his other hand and moves faster against it. Between the ever-shallowing breaths he silently blesses Sam for his softer side. The innocence that Dean remembers from when they were children, confined to motel rooms by themselves. He wouldn't ever admit that to Sam, it's just too delicious to taunt him about his girly side. His knuckles flush with blood when he releases his grip from the sink and stands up straight again.

++++

Dean hates the way he can't forgive her. Angels watching over him. Bullcrap. Angels hadn't saved his--their--mom, nothing had. So there were no angels, no God to pray for absolution. Her grave means nothing to him, just bones and dead tissue and cold memories from people he didn't know. He hates how in every thought of her angels paint her as a liar. Just pretty words whispered to a child's ear to help him feel safe, to take away bad dreams and doubts and the shadows in the dark.

Fucking pointless. Something evil had killed her and Dean should have known better, should have done something to keep mom safe. It is easy to tell Sam how her grave is not the thing that matters, and much harder to admit that he blames her, loves her and failed to save her. He failed to save dad as well. And he doesn't even want think about the situation with Sam.

+++++

Sam corrects the misunderstanding quickly, just brothers. Maybe he is too quick in denying, Dean is usually good with these little things. Sam's afraid that he said actually _oh god yes, Dean, now_ but Dean keeps quiet about it. Though true to Dean's train of thought, he doesn't skirt the issue for long.

Sam's well-thought response flows so easily and it isn't even a lie. Dean does overcompensate, but Sam chalks it up on the soldier routine. So he sits there and lies to Dean with the truth like he's all normal himself. He's not, he knows it already and prevents Dean from noticing the little things, masking them with the determination of doing research. He never sees Dean's stare melting into a forbidden longing nor the briefest look of sadness on his brother's face.

++++++

Sam throws the gun down and promises never to touch it again. Anything else but that one. No one around him will ever escape death. Except Dean, he has to, he made a promise which he needs to fill. Sam knows that Dean will keep his word, he'll never bail out. He sits on his bed the next night, watching Dean sleep. It took a long time before exhaustion caught up with Dean--and a little while longer for it to overcome the protector of Sam--but now Sam takes full advantage of the silence, of the darkness.

Faint noises come from outside the room but nothing out of the ordinary. He gets up and paces around the room before slipping under Dean's blanket. From the breathing, he knows that Dean's awake. Sam pats his shoulder twice to signal that he's okay when Dean lifts his head from the pillow to survey the situation. Dean makes room for him and Sam curls a little closer to the warmth. His brother will never turn him down.


End file.
